Just one of those days

Today has been one of those days that's just harder all the way around. I worked last night and have been up all day which is no fun. But this afternoon while the kids played with moon sand at the table (thanks Uncle David), I decided I would catch up on the thousands of emails in my inbox. One of which was very difficult to read. The very first missionary to track into us has come out and said he is gay and has left the church because of it. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep or what but I have sobbed uncontrollably since reading it. I am not upset that he's gay (I think I have always suspected it), I just can't believe he's left the church. He was an incredible missionary. He was the reason Jerry and I took so long to commit to baptism. We just didn't think we could live like this guy. My heart is broken for the choice he's made and I pray everyday that someday he will come back. He said something on his blog that really struck me. He said he went out on a mission and did the very best he could because he hoped if he did God would help him fall in love with a girl. I cannot even imagine how hard things have been for him over the last couple of years, especially given the church's views on homosexuality. It's funny, we all get different burdens in our lives. Some of us are short, some are maybe missing a limb, some blind and some are gay. I'd like to think that the stronger and more faithful the person, the bigger the burden. I don't think it matters that he is gay, what I think does matter is the choices he makes. The whole thing is pretty depressing. Jerry and I have always figured him for an apostle one day (the guy was unbelievable). Hearing he's left the church makes me wonder what hope there is for someone ordinary like me enduring till the end. So this evening instead of sleeping I went to the church with my family. After cleaning up a HUGE moon sand mess (thank you again Uncle David). Ally had a rehearsal for her primary program tonight and church really is one of my favorite places to be. Just being in the building makes me happy. The kids were adorable and it totally cheered me up. The drive home was rather comical too. Coming home, Ansley decides she is going to start chanting "Damn it" from her car seat. I try to ignore it but Ally, (mommy number 2), hears her and immediately tells her she is saying a bad word. So we do the right thing and Jerry reprimands Ansley, telling her that it's naughty to say bad words. To which Ally replies, "Well you say bad words too Dad. I heard you say shit." Fantastic, now they are both swearing. I love motherhood, there's never a dull moment and it really keeps you quite humble!


The Huge moon sand mess


Eating pizza at the primary program rehearsal